The Weekly Dream: Things Fall Apart Pt. II

“Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrong”
1 Cor. 13:5

“Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”

After communication, unforgiveness is the second reason most relationships fail. This is a big one for me, because I can hold a grudge forever. But unforgiveness is a major roadblock in the progression of relationships. Why? Because when you let someone in to your heart, you expect them to know better. So when they do something, you feel it that much more. And although you want to forgive them, it does take time and prayer.

I think of unforgiveness as having rocks in your book bag, it does not do anything but slow you down. Every time some one does something to you, and you do not forgive, it begins to wear on you. You become a prisoner to the past and eventually bitterness and resentment comes in. You can always tell when some one has not really gotten over something because when you get in an argument, they bring up the old stuff into the new conflict. They use words like “You always” or “You did this last time”. They still are mentally stuck in the past.

I believe that, if you forgive someone, you don’t bring it up again. If you can’t move past it, it may be better to let the relationship go, because it is not worth making both parties miserable. Personally, when people have hurt or betrayed me, I have to forgive them or leave them alone. That is the only way to truly heal some times. Still having trouble? Think of when you have done something wrong, what if God held everything you did over your head? As they say, “To err is human, but to forgive is divine.”

What are the hurts are grudges you are holding? As the saying goes, pick your battles. Is it really a big deal or are you sweating the small stuff? Will you care about this issue ten years from now? And if it bothers you that much, confront them. What do you want from the situation? An apology? A remedy? Communicate what you are looking for, say your peace and leave it alone. Easier said than done, right? Human nature, being the dark, vindictive beast it is, does not make this easy. For some reason, we want to hold on to the hurt, the pain, if we did not, we would let it go. But if we do not forgive, how can God forgive us?

Forgiveness does not immediately heal the pain, but it starts the process. And if we are going to continue to be in relationship with each other, the transgressor must do everything they can to help the other person forgive, and the other person must do all they can to forgive. Check those emotions at the door and put forth the effort. At the same time, forgiveness does not mean that you can keep doing the same thing over and over again, that is wicked and weak. Just because I am supposed to forgive you, does not give you free reign to exploit my niceness as weakness. I will forgive, but that does no mean I will keep dealing with you.

The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sin. Love makes forgiveness easy. If we truly love someone, we find t difficult to stay upset with them. People I cared about have lied to me and took me for granted, but the love I have for them keeps me in their corner.

Forgive them, for often, they do not know what they do. And pray for those that despitefully use you. Only then, can we be children of the Most High.

Keep working on it, I know I am.

Truth and Peace,
Steven M. DeVougas

Question of the Week: What has someone you love done to you that you either had to get past or you can’t get past?

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2 responses to “The Weekly Dream: Things Fall Apart Pt. II”

  1. Anonymous says :

    Hi Steve,

    The last time that I got really burnt in a trusting relationship was in August. There is a group of us co-workers working together in new positions and really trying to be supportive of each other.

    I shared a person with them this summer with the understanding that I was hiring her and please send her back. For some reason, one of my co-workers whom I called friend did hire this person right from under me.

    Needless to say I was very upset. But you know something, most people would say that I should have known better and I should hold tight to my jewels, skills, knowledge, etc. but in the long run I have learned and had it reinforced these two understandings – everyone who is called a friend is not a friend because although I still have to associate with this person within the group I will never really trust her with my secrets, my bright Ideas or send people over to help her anymore. #2 and you can’t stop being you and sharing and helping and encouraging others because of one bad experience.

    So this does not stop my sharing with others within the group because, they have shared their people with me and I have also shared and it has worked out great. Example they have sent their secretaries YES more than one person, technical support persons etc. to help me in the crunch. So as we live, we learn. But it does not have to effect how we deal with or treat everyone in live because someone in our past has mistreated us.

    So we let go and let God do His work in us and for us.

    Keep focusing on the positive and learn from the bad experiences because God is shaping us for success.

    God Bless,

    Lady B

  2. "The Consigliere" says :

    That is an excellent observation. In the work world, there are no loyalties. And that makes for a stressful environment. In the work world, it is often called “the real world”, but to me, it is a game. You have an artificial environment which serves as a microcosm of the real world. There are very few rules and people will do anything to get ahead. That is why I take what happens out there or what people say with a grain of salt. We don’t know people’s motives and all they can understand is what they want. It is not fair and often not based on merit. So forgiveness and a light heartedness is key if we are to maintain our integrity and productivity in the work world. Again, excellent observation and keep your head to the sky-even in your cubicle/office.

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