Michelle Obama and relationships

This message is dedicated to the fellas. No matter who you support to be President of the United States, you must admit that Michelle Obama is the type of woman you want to marry. She embodies the idea that beside every great man is a great woman. To be sure, there are women like Michelle Obama all across the country but men by and large find ways to mess things up. I compiled a list of what men do wrong that end up leaving women like Michelle Obama from finding their Barack.

1) We think that we have to be “established” before we can truly settle down in a serious relationship leaning towards marriage. This extends to work, graduate school, etc.

2) We wait too long to propose.

3) We put more emphasis on our bank account than our character.

4) We don’t get women on the come up, in other words, we try to wait until the flower is in full bloom before we make the pursuit and by that time, it is probably too late. For the brothers that went to undergrad, you know there are some women that you know you should have tried to step to but now you look stupid because you thought you could wait until you both finished graduate school.

5) We expect women to compromise their dreams for the relationship before we are willing to compromise ours.

6) We too often play the “You should already know how I feel” card. Man up and say what you have to say.

7) We use our work life as an emotional shield.

8. We delay talking to somebody (a professional) to better understand our approach towards women and relationships.

9) We rely too much on the numerical odds. Just because the odds favor educated Black men doesn’t mean that it is easy to find and maintain love. Don’t be the guy that makes Black women swear off Black men.

10) Be the woman you want to marry. In other words, if you want your wife to be saved and sanctified, then be saved and sanctified. If you want your wife to be in shape, then be in shape. The list continues but you get my point.

Now hopefully, if you are a guy and this post made you twinge a little….good. Make the change because this Valentine’s Day, there will be millions of women like Michelle Obama who are waiting for brothers like you to step up.

Stay up fam,

Brandon Q.

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7 responses to “Michelle Obama and relationships”

  1. Nicole T. says :

    Brandon,

    I’m glad you posted this note. I was just talking to some friends of mine about what a positive model we have in Barack and Michelle of a strong black couple.

    I’m glad you focused your note on the mistakes men tend to make. Far too often, I hear about what is wrong with black women. But I know from experience that there are many great women out here that men have taken for granted.

    I also can appreciate that you noted a basic principle that both men and women seem oblivious to; be the person that you want to marry. If you don’t want someone that sleeps around, why do you sleep around? If you want a partner who is not only saved, but has a personal relationship with God, why can’t you submit your life to God? If you aspire to be with a person who is selfless and nurturing, why can’t you be the same?

    What many people fail to realize is that a relationship should be characterized by mutual empowerment. I would want to push and encourage my husband to be better in every aspect of his life. But I would want him to do the same for me. Today, I see so many relationships where the scales are imbalanced.

    Hopefully, your note will prompt some introspection in men and women alike.

  2. Neila T! says :

    Brandon Q.,

    It’s nice to see that men are listening when women speak.

    I would like to say to women who are pursuing their dreams, while simultaneously trying to find love; in the beginning of the relationship, do not tell the man you are dating that you are planning to leave the state in the near future. Wait until you are sure, he’s into you. Though we women think we are helping the relationship by being upfront, some men automatically withdraw from it because they feel like you are not willing to invest in them or the relationship if you are planning to move away. So if you think he is your Barack, exercise your Fifth Amendment right to remain silent.

    I think it’s interesting that in some African cultures, men aren’t men until they get married and have a wife. So for Black men, this idea that you have to be a 100% professional with a large bank account before you can take that step is counterproductive and schizophrenic thinking; I don’t care what the men to women ratio is.

    Men who have this schizophrenic thought behavior should listen to Jill Scott’s “Where Would You Be.” If all of your Michelle’s are taken, have moved to NY, CA, or ATL; or have fully blossomed and do not want to be bothered, what’s the point? Yes, you can practice law and have a yacht, but do you really want to kick it on the yacht with your boys–all the time?

    I think this post came at the right time (not because of Valentine’s Day) but because there are many men and women who are suffering, thinking they have more time then they really have to make a commitment.

    We have to believe in ourselves and trust our judgment….remembering that it is not about being a perfect person before we can secure love but about our willingness to take the journey with a person seeking God’s perfection.

  3. Anonymous says :

    Thanks for the comments fam.

    Necole, what was the verdict of your conversations with your friends? Mutual empowerment is absolutely key but won’t happen without trust and communication and am tired of men and women talking past each other. I would make a request that you forward this post to people in your network.

    Neila, I am curious to know more about the African cultures you said that value men finding wives before they are established. Regarding your comment about long distance relationships, I wrote a piece entitled relationagraphy you should check out. Also, I think that what you said about trusting ourselves is crucial.

  4. Anonymous says :

    West Africa

  5. Jamiah says :

    Brandon,
    Great blog! And my favorite part is the end where you talk about reasons why men pass on women like Mrs. Obama. I so admire Michelle and I admire Barack for his love for her. They truly compliment one another and are a great example of love. They have struggled together and at the UCLA Women for Obama rally, Michelle freely admitted that they struggled financially until Barack published his two bestsellers. So often I’ve been told by men that they believe that I need more than they can provide right now– and this is generally said without asking me. I believe in nation building and look forward to doing that with a partner.

    peace and tell Garlin I said whats up!

    Barack you don’t stop! Obama in 08!

    Jamiah

  6. lola gets says :

    Excellent post! I definitely agree with point #1: Our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents didnt wait til they were “established” to get married – they built their lives together! They got married and still got their college or graduate degree; they got married, rented housing before they bought their own; they built their assets together. But nooo, not us, we want to til we’re forty – have fun with that in-vitro, cause thats the only way our old buts will ever have kids.

    L

  7. Jai says :

    Examples of black love or the lack thereof seems to be the hot topic no matter where I look. I absolutely agree with point # 8 – speaking with a professional therapist is key to having a better understanding of yourself as well as relationships. Unfortunately it is often frowned upon especially in the african-american community.

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