Brandon’s breakdown of love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. -I Corinthians 3:14

As DC thaws out of the winterness, Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to break down what I have often heard to be the definitive idea of love and that is I Corinthians 3:14.

Love is patient
In the world of and email, status updates, and keeping up with the Jones’ broadly speaking, patience is often viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism and a hint of foolishness. What does patience mean though? What good is patience if it is done in bad faith? Can you be patient once good intentions turn away from love and towards proving a point? There are three qualifiers I add to this idea of patience to make sure it is proper and these are positive, persistent, and conscious.

By positive, I mean the quality of the thoughts of the person you are waiting on. Do you think highly of them or do you have resentful thoughts about why you are waiting in the first place? The resentment will spoil all of the anticipated benefits of patience. This doesn’t mean that some days will be blue, it just means that while resentful thoughts will come, you never let them stay for extended periods of time.

By persistence, I am referring to situations where there is not an agreed upon time where the patience will no longer be needed. Situations like this are doubly difficult because you will find yourself wanting to do something to break the patience. It is times like this where you build character. Anything worth its salt is worth waiting for. I have found that focusing on being a better person is a great way to transform the emotional energy that patience can exact.

As to conscious, being patient is almost always about learning something about your self and the other person and probably vice versa. So when the patient stage is over, your lessons learned will be the yardstick by which the patience will be deemed successful. I have found writing to be extremely helpful in helping me understand the lessons I need to learn from patient periods. Being conscious is not just being aware of what you are doing but why are you doing it, making sure to appreciate the complexity and gravity of the situation that has you patient in the first place.

Love is kind
This one seems easy but I have thought that this one is often misunderstood as being nice. Nice is often associated with good manners or social graces but kind means, “of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person: a kind and loving person.” For me, being kind means saying the truth in love, withholding digs that you may feel entitled to, doing kind gestures without any prompting, etc.

It doesn’t boast
For me this means that love does not boast about what it did or used to do and if it does, it is never done to justify present mistakes or shortcomings. I think there should be things you do for your partner that they never know about because they either didn’t notice or you didn’t tell them what you did. (and not have plans to use these acts as ammunition later) I think this approach helps make sure that your desire to do good for your partner is not conditional on receiving praise. This doesn’t mean that receiving praise is bad and couples should acknowledge each other whenever possible but doing the act should bring you more pleasure than seeking the praise.

It is not proud
I think this means that whenever two people are sacrificing, the tension between who is sacrificing more is going to be detrimental to the relationship. One person may be sacrificing their time more while the other may be sacrificing their money based on the given circumstance. Avoiding such distractions is absolutely key to a healthy relationship.

Just my thoughts,

Stay up fam and Happy Valentine’s Day

Brandon Q.

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