"At least I"

What really makes me mad is what I call the “At least culture” (ALC)  that in my opinion is seriously undermining the social fabric of this country. To be sure, I define ALC as the misplaced comfort people place in being in a better situation than those less fortunate. The most obvious place where this idea manifests is our bank accounts where quite simply, too many people, regardless of their income find too much solace in being able to say,

Well at least I have a house,

Well at least I have a car,

Well at least I can provide for my kids,

Well at least I have college/graduate degree.

The list could go on but the point is that while few people actually talk like this in the open, I think many more think like this as a way to manage expectations of themselves. I hope the current economic crisis has allowed some people to appreciate that objects and money can come as easily as they can go. Moreover, our idea of status and having a good name is also just as delicate. Proverbs 22:1 states, “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, Favor is better than silver and gold.” What I love about this passage is that when you put it in perspective, it makes the obsession with “at least” in its proper place. How do you feel about your name? Do you walk in favor?

Stay up fam,

Brandon Q.

The Weekly Dream: Do Your Part

“And [God] delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds.”

-2 Peter 2:7-8

 Everyday, I face a decision: either stick my head in the sand like an ostrich or be aware of what is going on around me.  Why is this such a difficult decision.  If I bury my head in the sand (i.e. work, routine), then I am in control.  I am the King of My Comfort Zone.  In this realm, I am King Comfort.  And King Comfort is extremely selfish.  However, if I choose awareness, I choose to be challenged, and on some level, see things I do not like.  I choose to feel.  And sometimes, feeling is frustrating. 

The World’s Gone Mad…

Lately, this decision has become more immediate.  Personally, the injustice in the world seems especially intense.  From the Jena 6 to the Genarlow Wilson case, to the War, to the extremely poor race relations, to the woman who was tortured-our justice system has become a mockery.  We are more concerned about the death of some dogs than our brothers and sisters.  Our government has become mockery because it seems like it has silently and not so subtly declared war on its citizens. 

The question I have really been dealing with is whether things have gotten worse or are things just the same.  Throughout history, when law was born, so was injustice.  I used to thing that the days were getting darker, but I am beginning to believe that it is just a re-run of the same fight, good v. evil.  And each generation has had their own battle to fight to maintain and restore justice on the earth. 

Righteous Lot

In the book of Genesis, Abraham’s nephew Lot followed Abraham out of Mesopotamia.  When God had blessed them to where the land could not contain them, they parted ways.  Lot settled by the city of Sodom.  Sodom was extremely wicked, to the point where God could not find ten righteous people in the city.  Lot lived in the city, but he did not condone their lifestyle.  The new testament said that his soul was vexed.  Lot was so righteous that the inhabitants were sick of him.  So God decided to save Lot and his family and destroy the city (Genesis 19). 

How many of you have been vexed by the injustice that you have seen?  The next question is what have you done about it?  Or have you been too “busy”?  Busy is how most of the atrocities that take place occur.  In the Book of Ezekiel, God calls us “watchmen.”  What do watchmen do?  They are aware and they sound the alarm when something happens that should not be happening.  How have you been doing as a watchman? 

I am not saying that it is your job to try to whistleblow on every injustice in the world.  However, do not turn a blind eye to the suffering and injustice in the world, that way you know you are supposed to do something to make this world a better place.  We can always do more, but do something small, repeatedly over time, is better than not doing anything at all.  People are hurting, the world is hurting.  I have been challenged in my spirit to do a better job.  The least I can do is speak up. 

That is the entire mission of The Superspade and that is what we work for.  To not only be aware and speak up but to put our action, time and resources behind our beliefs.  We and our readers are people of conviction and action.  So, do not lose heart. I have not lost hope.  All this madness that surrounds us is a call to action and a call to battle.  We must fight until either peace is restored or the world comes to an end.  That is the mentality of a warrior, it is all our nothin’.  But it will not come easy. 

We must do our part.  And if we allow ourselves to get uncomfortable, God said we will be comforted.  But you cannot comfort someone who is already comfortable.  I just had to get that off my chest, because I am disgusted with what has been going on in this country and the world on all fronts.  So, sign a petition, educate yourself and those around you, work your governmental system, discuss the issues.  Just do something. 

For the Love of God, we are WATCHMEN.  And if you are already involved, push it to the limit and don’t give up.

Truth and Peace,

Steven M DeVougas

Unequally Yoked?: Introducing God into Your Relationship

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  and what communion hath light with darkness?”

-2 Cor. 6:14

 ”For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart to follow after other gods: and his heart was not sincere with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.”

-1 Kings 11:4

I was blessed to have grown up in a godly household.  I was thoroughly instructed in the way of the Lord and the Scriptures at an early age.  However, we often do not act according to what we know.  I was no different. 

The Weekly Dream: Hold Your Peace

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to keep silence and a time to speak.”

-Ecclesiastes 3:7

“If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to control the whole body.”

-James 3:2

 ”Every man possesses a simple superpower: silence.  Too few flex it on the regular basis.”

In the past, I have spoken in passing about slience, creating a quiet space, finding peace within yourself.  However, today I want to talk about holding your tongue.  Or more clearly, knowing when to speak and when to listen.  On one level, I admire those individuals who are the “strong, silent type.”  I have friends who are almost Zen-like in their ability to hold their peace and not say anything, just be “in the cut.”  You never know if they are paying attention or watching everything.  You do not know what they are thinking or how they really feel about you.  And this type of silence lends to them a certain air of mystery, confidence, allure and magnetism. 

 However, on the other end, I have friends who are the life of the party.  They enter the room and the atmosphere changes.  They hit a room like they are campaigning for office and by the end of the night they have networked, connected and built rapport with every person in the room.  Their allure is being able to come out of their shell and share themselves. 

Being afraid of music

As someone who grew up in the church, I was raised on the belief that, “Spirits ride on the wings of music.” The basis of this logic is that a singer/musician has the potential to either edify or weaken your spirit and that no one is immune to these effects. The logic ends with the axiom that if we are not careful to what we listen to, we leave our spirits vulnerable to attack. (Not to mention that Lucifer was the angel responsible for worship and music)

Hearing from God: Part II

I wanted to follow up on my series, Hearing From God. In Part I of the series, we touched on how Pharaoh’s heart was hardened as God showed His glory through the plagues via Moses’ successful efforts at convincing Pharaoh to let the Israelites go.

Hearing from God: Part I

 

So today, while I was reading the Bible (I am on a mission to read it from Genesis to Revelation) I was reading the account of God using Moses and Aaron to convince the Egyptian Pharaoh to release their Israelites from captivity. Even though this story is familiar, it struck a new chord today that I want to share with you. The entire count of I am referencing is found in Exodus 1 through Exodus 13.

Fox News Talking Heads Attack Black People

Many are calling for the Congressional Black Caucus Institute (CBCI) to not partner with Fox News Channel when hosting it’s own set of Presidential debates (See my comment on the story).

Video of Fox News’ Attacks on Black people in general and Barack Obama specifically.

If you watch the above video, you will find it hard not to get sick of the hateful words used towards Black people numerous times on this network. My question is, why the CBCI thought this was a good idea in the first place? I am assuming the people who made the decision actually have watched television before.

Maybe the CBCI was desparate for viewers? I don’t think that any of the cable news networks (MSNBC, CNN, etc.) would turn down airtime with Presidential candidates, so that can’t be the excuse.

Maybe the CBCI felt that partnering with Fox News gives them the opportunity to address some of these statements that have been made on the air? This can be done without partnering with them so that can’t be the excuse either.

What’s really messed up about things like this video is that non-white, non-male political hopefuls have to deal with ignorance like this all day every day for the entirety of their public political lives. A white male candidate normally has to only deal with people challenging his political views and ideology, while occasionally dealing with questions concerning is spirituality or sexual orientation. Compared to questions about your gender, race, intelligence, etc., these questions are easy.

Lastly, some commenters on the story at the top think that not partnering with Fox News is equivalent to censoring? That is beyond ridiculous. Censoring would be saying that Fox News could not spew hatred. Refusing to partner, which is what is being requested here, is saying “you can say what you want, we just won’t work with you.”

If you agree, you can sign an online petition to CBCI that has been produced by Color of Change.

One Love. One II.

Categories
Politics
Black Issues

I almost cried…

I am reading a book entitled, In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants, by Michelle McKinney Hammond. For those that are unaware, Proverbs 31 is a famous passage in the Bible that elegantly lays out the qualities of an ideal wife. When women ask me what type of woman I am looking for, I often say the woman of Proverbs 31.

Nevertheless, what Michelle does in her book is ask, “What kind of man can truly appreciate a Proverbs 31 woman and what qualities should he have?” I have wondered this for years and I am so grateful that this book was written.

I write this post today because I almost cried when I came across this passage in the book. Michelle states, (emphasis mine)

“One of the most beautiful things I ever heard a wife say about her husband was: It feels like God is loving me through my husband. He is so sensitive to my needs. It’s almost as if he anticipates them and meets them before I even say a word.” Only a man who prays and hears from God can do such a thing for his wife” (p 17)

If you were not moved by that quote, I suggest you keep reading it until you do. And for me, and I think many other men, we want to be good husbands and fathers, which is fine. But for you to be in a place where your wife feels like God is loving her through you is I can only imagine like living a miracle everyday of your marriage. The spiritual clarity it would require to be at that place requires daily discipline and I have purposed in my heart to lead a life where my wife will that her husband is a true Man of God.

For anyone that is married and reading this post, man or woman, purpose in your heart to take the necessary steps to situate your marriage where you can clearly see the power of God manifesting itself in the life of your partner.

And if you are single, use this principle to find a partner that will sustain you with an agape love. Being single should be a time to hone your relationship with God so that once you do get married, you will be able to provide spiritual fortitude that will do nothing but make your marriage purposeful, enjoyable and fulfilling.

Stay up fam,

Categories:
Spirituality
Marriage
Relationships

To the Heart of the Matter

I heard this question posed by my Pastor, Christopher Brooks a couple weeks ago that I think should be asked of all people who lead a life of faith, regardless of religion.

If you had to choose between hanging out with people who share your faith versus people who share your race or ethnic group, which would you choose?

Stay up fam,

Categories:
Spirituality

Interfaith Marriage and all that jazz…

Have you ever told your parents about someone that was tugging at your heart? How many people have had a conversation that goes like this;

You: Mom, I met this person and I think they might be the one.

Mom: That’s great honey! I want you to be happy. Now what church do they go to?

I was always wondered why this was always the first question my mother asked and I get it now, but the implications are deeper than I originally thought.

I think the chief reason why my Mom and other parents ask this question is for two reasons:

1) To gauge the person’s character since church attendance is often used as a character check
2) To see if the person practices the same faith as their child

And I think that parents should be respected for having their child’s best interests at heart. But I wonder how smooth the conversation would go if you responded to your parent’s (let’s assume they are Christian) question of where your love interest went to church by saying, “Well, actually, they go to a mosque.” How do you think your parents would respond? I know it is easy to think of your parents as the most respectful and open-minded people in the world but let’s keep it really real, shall we?

I think many parents would be taken aback and follow up by asking, “So are they Muslim?” And then I could imagine a series of questions dancing around the feasibility of two people dating that share different faiths.

Now is this wrong? I wouldn’t say so but I think something can be said for what I call “spiritual superiority.” What I mean by this phrase is the notion that spiritually centered parents often have a strong preference for three things: 1) seeing their children practice the same faith they raised them with, throughout adulthood, 2) watching their children grow up to marry someone who practices the same faith as them, and 3) witness their grandchildren be raised with the same faith as them.

Now on face value, I would say nothing is wrong with this paradigm and maybe in another post, we can talk about people who ended up practicing a new faith different from their parents. But for our purposes, we are going to look at interfaith relationships/marriage.

And rather than go into two pages worth of a post, I would rather provide the context and see where you want to take this post in the comments section. So the following are some of the questions that I would like you to chew on.

1) Would you ever date someone from a different faith? Why or why not?

2) Do you have different faith restrictions for someone you would date casually or someone you would seriously consider marrying? Why or why not?

3) Does your faith have specific restrictions on what faith your future husband/wife must practice? (And if you do know, it would be helpful if you can bolster your answer with textual support as opposed to what you were always told.)

4) Is it important that your future kids practice the same faith as you? Would you be open to them practicing a different faith from yours?

5) How would your parents react to your being in a serious relationship with someone of a different faith? And how much would their reaction influence your decision to continue your relationship?

6) Is it important that your kids be raised in household where both parents practice the same faith? If not, what is the upside of having interfaith households on a child’s spiritual development?

This should prove to be a very lively discussion,

Stay up fam,

Categories:
Relationships
Spirituality

Masturbation…what I know for sure

The inspiration for this post comes from a book I am reading entitled, every man’s battle. It is a Christian-based book that talks about sexual temptation in ways that are very direct and honest. But first I guess a good question would be to ask if people think masturbation is wrong.

For me, and I think many other men, I felt that masturbation was merely a way of releasing pent up energy. In practice, this meant that while I was younger and a virgin, I thought that masturbation was the best way to stay pure without actually “doing” it. And as I got older, this meant that if enough time elapsed, I was entitled to a session. However, there is a verse in the Bible, Matthew 5:28 that states,

But I (Jesus) tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

For a long time, I rejected the logic of this scripture. I couldn’t understand how looking at someone with my eyes provided a direct connection to my heart. And why did looking lustfully become synonymous with adultery? That always seemed a little harsh to me. What’s worse is that my sessions didn’t involve me using my eyes to lust after a woman. For me that meant if I was intimate with someone, I had the mental video in my mind ready to go. Essentially, I tried to split hairs thinking that if I was not looking at porn or something and just recalling intimate memories, I was ok for the most part.

But if we revisit the scripture, it is clear how dangerous this thought process really is. I am sure most of you know of the concept of the mind’s eye, which is hard to explain but it is one’s ability to see things with your mind. Therefore, lusting after a woman you see on a pornographic website is no different from lusting after a woman you were intimate with from last month. Either way, we are committing adultery with that woman, which is wrong. And masturbation is really nothing more than using our eyes or our mind’s eye to lust after another woman.

And the beauty is that God created sex to be relational. What masturbation does is corrupt God’s ideal for love by making it secretive, selfish, and done in isolation. But I digress.

My original question was whether or not you think masturbation is wrong. I am really interested in this question because for me, this was an area of sin that I could tolerate. Now the Bible does not say, “Do not masturbate,” but I think the verse regarding adultery is proof enough. But if it is not, I point your direction to any of the following scriptures,
Galatians 5:16-19
Colossians 3:5-6
Acts 15:29
I Corinthians 6:13

There was an even more powerful example in the book that I think really frames it in the proper context. The authors state that we don’t have the “right” to look lustfully on another woman. Which makes sense because in the kingdom, we have the choice to do wrong, but this is very different from a right. The authors put it this way, “When we’re thieves with our eyes, we’re embezzling sexual gratification from areas that don’t belong to us, from women who aren’t connected to us.” Does this framework make sense to you?

And lest you read this and think, “I will take care of this myself,” Proverbs 28:26 says, He who trusts in himself is a fool. I pray that you are not a fool and for encouragement, the Bible also says in James 5:16, Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. It is funny to me how when it comes to things like physical abuse, anger management, or financial mismanagement, we as Christians are quick to call for group interventions and seek assistance from those we trust. But when it comes to masturbation, too many of us think we can do it alone. Ask for help from someone that you trust, it will do wonders, I promise.

Nevertheless, I haven’t finished the book yet but as I learn more I will share with you. I hope that through this post, you find some encouragement in this area of your life. And though I didn’t address women specifically, I know that women deal with this issue as much as men do. So let’s have a frank discussion about this issue and ways to master it. I don’t want to see you having the strength of Samson only to sacrifice all of your potential due to lack of self-control due to sexual temptation. But let us follow men like Job who made a covenant with his eyes. Read about how that worked out for him in Job 31:9. With love,

Stay up fam,

Categories:
spirituality
sexuality

Blackness as an idol?

I remember graduating from the University of Michigan and being a part of Black Celebratory, (a special graduation ceremony for Black graduating students). I was sitting with my fellow graduates from the men of H.E.A.D.S. a Black male support group at the University of Michigan.

As we stood tall and our families looked on, the sounds of the Black National Anthem filled the majestic hall. Then all at once, H.E.A.D.S. members reverently bowed their heads and raised their fists in the air. My eyes were closed and I was humbled almost to the point of tears as I thought about all my ancestors that dreamed of an America where one day Black people would not be denied access to institutions of higher learning. It was a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life.

I can think of countless situations where my Blackness (and all the trappings thereof) has served as a source of pride and inspiration. But as a Christian, I wonder if my love of being Black has served as an idol to the point where it interferes with my relationship with God. (Note: This issue is not unique to Black people. Any ethnicity could be used and the logic would still apply)

But let’s take a step back though. For those of you who are Christian, the Bible says this in Exodus 20:4 regarding idols,

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.

It is my belief that anything can become an idol and therefore a stumbling block in our Christian walk. To our detriment, there are too many value judgments on would be idols. For example, I play online chess (a lot) and I think it is fair to say that most people would consider this activity to be fairly neutral. However, if I started to play online chess to the point where I neglected praying, reading the Bible, going to church, etc. then it is safe to say that online chess has become an idol in my life.

I think this same logic can be applied to Black people’s love of their Blackness (and all the trappings thereof). Lest I be misunderstood, I know you can love God and love being Black. Let me explain this from a different angle. Let’s assume that Blackness is a crime and you are under surveillance but the Black police you can’t see your skin. Your being convicted is based on what you say, where you go, what you watch, what you read, what you listen to, and how you generally live your life. If you are Black, I think that most of us would be arrested immediately because we wear our Blackness so proudly.

Now let’s assume that Christianity is a crime while we use the same surveillance parameters. How long would it take before you were arrested? Would you be arrested at all?

I think it is safe to say that many of us do a much better job promoting our love for Blackness as opposed to our love for God. Now does this mean that Blackness is an idol for you? I would say not necessarily but that is for you to figure out. So is there anything in your life that prevents you from getting closer to God? If it is TV, then it’s easy to just turn it off, but if it is your Blackness, you can’t turn it off so how do we find the proper balance?

Stay up fam,

Categories:
spirituality
identity
blackissues

The Weekly Dream: A Different Set of Rules

“A man gots to have a code”
-Omar, The Wire

“If you don’t have any parameters, you got nothing”
-Armand Asante, Gotti

Question of the Week: What things make up your code?

Whether you realize it or not, we all live by various codes of behavior or conduct; guidelines and rules that instruct us as to how to live or how to approach various situations. In fact, life in civilized society demands it. They are rules in action and there are consequences for violating the code. The Sicilian mafia code was called Omerta, which meant that the people did not cooperate with the police about Mafia activities. Individuals who violated the code often found themselves in uncomfortable predicaments. There is a code to the streets, which we call Street Smarts or Common Sense, which governs dealings in the real world. Politics have a code. Like layers of an onion, the various codes we are subjected to intersect, so that we live a disciplined life. They tell us when something is right and wrong. Our own personal code takes the form of our conscience. But have you ever really given thought as to what comprises your code?

To tell the truth, besides wanting to leave something for posterity, The Weekly Dream was partly an outgrowth of an innate desire to articulate the rules I live by. Growing up, my code was formed by my spiritual beliefs, my family tradition, books, and experience. By sharing my thoughts and perspective, I hoped to perfect the Code by eliciting insight from the outside.

The Nature of Codes

Rules apply in various situations and circumstances. However, what gives codes life is the fact that they are lived. What good is having a code if you do not apply it in the appropriate situation? Now the consequences of not keeping your code may not be life and death, but it may show a lack of character or integrity. Confucius said that when a person knows what is right, but does not do it, it is weakness. There is no hope for that person. People who do not have a code are capable of anything, they are worse than animals. At least animals have consistency in behavior.

As adults, more and more we are required to police ourselves and make sure we are living lives consistent with our internal law. For instance, if you profess to be Christian, then you must study our code book and seek to order your life accordingly. Because codes are a lifestyle.

Stick to the Script

Rules can change, but we are seeking something deeper-principles. Principles apply in every situation. They are constants, like the Ten Commandments. It is a rock that grounds your code. I challenge everyone to write out their codes: Rules and Principles. What set of rules do you play by? What do you believe? When you do something inconsistent to that, how do you feel?

For instance, I seek to live a life where truth and peace is manifested, consistent with the mandates of my spirituality. Therefore, I try to avoid lying, deception, unnecessary and unproductive conflict. I try to be generous and walk in love-even towards my enemies. These are lofty goals, but that is where my code demands I go. I might miss it sometimes, but having that code lets me know what I can and cannot do.

Articulating the code will ensure that you maintain your integrity on the stairway to success.

Truth and Peace,
Steven M DeVougas

Categories:
theweeklydream

Loneliness, Black Men, and Friendships: Part IV

For those keeping score at home, we are at Part 4 in our series on Black male friendships. Up until this point, I have not discussed the issue of how women figure into the situation. And because one post would have been too long, at a later time I will explore how friendships are affected by men in relationships. But today, we will focus on the single brothers.

Let me say for starters that it is probably easier for single brothers to manage more meaningful male friendships. However, this is not always the case.

When things are down, do you call your boy or your “friend”
One issue that many single brothers have to deal with is going through emotional downtimes. And for a myriad of reasons, it is easier for many of us to share our deepest feelings with women rather than men. Now I understand that if you need to get something off your chest, then by all means do what you have to do. However, we should take a step back to think of the long-term implications of never being able to tell your boy what is really going on in your life.

If we were really honest, most brothers do not use each other as sounding boards. However, it is not until a situation has either blown up or otherwise finished, that a brother will then share what happened. But we need to get to a place where we have conversations like this; “Steve, I have this situation and these are the options I am looking at, let me know what you think.”

And since conversations like this are not widespread, it is often the case that brothers will turn to their girl “friends” for comfort. But here’s the twist, whether you are attracted to the woman or not, there is something very intoxicating having a woman listen to your woes while your head is in her lap, figuratively speaking. Now I am not saying brothers shouldn’t be talking to sisters but I am challenging brothers to be honest about what is accomplished after they have heart to hearts with their girl “friends.” Do you get sound, practical advice that you use to help your situation? Do you start out trying to get sound advice but end up talking about topics completely unrelated? Are you intentionally unintentionally laying the foundation for a relationship? Do you find yourself more attracted to this person after talking and/or are you sending signals that might be misconstrued that you may want more than just friendship?

I pray that at least one of these questions speak to you where you are at. My point though is that the majority of these issues could be alleviated if brothers had the courage to have more meaningful conversations beyond work, women, and sports. To be clear, this is not an either/or proposition, such that brothers should only talk to women or men. However, the current balance is heavily in favor of women and we need to tip the balance in the other direction.

Psuedo-girlfriends
For players and non-players alike, it does you no good to be running around with pseudo-girlfriends because you afraid to be lonely. Do some self-evaluation so you can be a better boyfriend/husband for your next relationship. What I mean by pseudo-girlfriend is someone (where there is an established mutual attraction) who fulfills one or some of your needs, but you have no intention of making her your girlfriend. Some examples include but are not limited to physical intimacy, spirituality, emotional support, intellectual debate, hanging out, etc. Situations like this are one of the sure fire ways to guarantee an argument framed around, “What are we?” or “Are we building something serious or not?” So beyond having clear communication, it is important to take advantage of being single and use that time to grow in all the ways you deem important. However, this constant girlfriend status (real or pseudo) does little to help this process. Nor does it help the women who think they are building something that is really all smoke and mirrors.

And if you can’t talk to your friends about real issues, why are they your friends to begin with?

In a word, get off the bosom fellas,

Stay up fam,

Categories:
friendships
blackmen
blackissues

Is your family more important than God?

What is the most important priority in your life? I am willing to bet that whether your actions said so or not, you would say, “My relationship with God.” But when it comes to making actual sacrifices, isn’t easier to make sacrifices for your family than it is for God? So is your family more important than God?This post was inspired by a sermon I heard on Sunday regarding putting God before your family. The pastor started the message by asking the congregation, “Why do you feel the need to skip church when you have family in town?” Everyone was cracking up because for anyone who grew up in the church, they knew that there was a grain of truth to what he was saying. The pastor went on to explain how churchgoers who attend regularly don’t see the big deal with skipping one Sunday to entertain family. He then compared this situation to Samson and Delilah and how Samson didn’t see the harm in just spending a little time with Delilah. Of course, attending church in and of itself is not equivalent to your relationship with God but attending church is an important aspect of maintaining your relationship with God.

I didn’t particularly agree with the pastor’s characterization but the point of the pastor’s sermon was to note that it is very easy for people to allow their relationship with God to take a back seat to their family. One example he gave was whether or not our goals are driven by wanting to make our families happy as opposed to pleasing God. And I can’t front because during the big events in my life, (i.e. graduating from high school and college) my biggest joy was grounded in wanting to make my family proud. Now I would say that my desire to please my family is not unreasonable but then again, I could be wrong and so could you.

And there are other times when pleasing your family is not the issue but trying to help them through tough dire financial straits. The pastor talked about how tithing can and does take a nosedive when our family needs money. He likened this to a lack of faith in God and an over reliance on your own financial means. The scripture he used to support this point was found in I Kings 17:10-16 that reads;

10 So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city,
behold, the widow woman [was] there gathering of sticks: and he called to her,
and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.
11 And as she was going to fetch [it], he called to her, and said, Bring me, I
pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand. 12 And she said, [As] the LORD thy
God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little
oil in a cruse: and, behold, I [am] gathering two sticks, that I may go in and
dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die. 13 And Elijah said unto
her, Fear not; go [and] do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake
first, and bring [it] unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. 14 For
thus saith the LORD God of Israel, the barrel of meal shall not waste, neither
shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day [that] the LORD sendeth rain upon the
earth. 15 And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and
he, and her house, did eat [many] days. 16 [And] the barrel of meal wasted not,
neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the LORD, which he
spake by Elijah.

If the KJV is difficult to understand, what happened in this passage was that Elijah (a prophet) asked a widow woman for a meal. However, she responded by saying that I’d like to but I am on my last meal and once I make it for my son and I, we are going to die. But God, still speaking through Elijah said make a meal for me first and then make a meal for you and your son. Once she did this, she was rewarded with food for many days.

I understand the logic behind this such that God didn’t need her food, but He needed someone who had enough faith that he can trust with His blessings. But I don’t know if I have enough faith to let someone else eat before I let my child eat. And then I came across a verse in I Timothy 5:8 that states, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” How do you account for this difference?

I don’t know but what I do know is that those who call themselves Christians are disciples of God. Again, we see an example in the Bible of where God challenges us to get our priorities straight. Luke 9:57-62 reads,

57 As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you
wherever you go.” 58 Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have
nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” 59 He said to another
man, “Follow me.” But the man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my
father.” 60 Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and
proclaim the kingdom of God.” 61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord;
but first let me go back and say good bye to my family.” 62 Jesus replied, “No
one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the
kingdom of God.”

Now I know many of us have read that passage before and thought to ourselves, “If Jesus asked me to follow him, I would drop everything and follow Him.” But would you really? I think many of us have been desensitized to the idea of let the dead bury the dead, but seriously, could you see yourself doing something as gargantuan as following Jesus without calling Mom saying, “Hey Ma, I am about to follow Jesus, I might not see you again but I’ll call you later.” Do you have that type of conviction? By now I hope I don’t have to bring up the agony of Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

So what’s the point? Well, I haven’t come up with any grand answers because if anything, I’ve created more questions for myself. I just think that when people say God is the most important aspect of their lives, when this is tested against the Bible, cracks start to show. And to be clear, I was raised on the idea of ranked priorities but I have revised my conception of priorities that reflect a circle with God in the center and my priorities spread along the circumference. My challenge is making sure that God maintains the center of my life and making sure I allow God to touch all of my priorities, including my family. So do you let God touch your family or does your family have a circle of its own?

Stay up fam,
Brandon

The Weekly Dream: Lifestyle Changes

Next to Christmas and my birthday, New Year’s is easily one of my favorite times of year. It is something about new beginnings and second chances that is particularly exciting. New Year’s resolutions was something I took very seriously. Everyday after Christmas, i wound hound everyone I came in contact with, asking them what was their New Year’s resolution for the next year, what did they hope to achieve. I received a variety of answers, from people who did not make them to those who did. However, my grandmother always give me the same, interesting answer every year. She would say, “Why wait until next year? Tomorrow is not promised, be a better person today.” As a child I never understood what she meant, but this year I think I finally understand.

Next to Christmas and my birthday, New Year’s is easily one of my favorite times of year. It is something about new beginnings and second chances that is particularly exciting. New Year’s resolutions was something I took very seriously. Everyday after Christmas, i wound hound everyone I came in contact with, asking them what was their New Year’s resolution for the next year, what did they hope to achieve. I received a variety of answers, from people who did not make them to those who did. However, my grandmother always give me the same, interesting answer every year. She would say, “Why wait until next year? Tomorrow is not promised, be a better person today.” As a child I never understood what she meant, but this year I think I finally understand.

The Present is a gift…

There is nothing especially magical about this ordained time. The practice of making New Year’s Resolutions is really a preliminary step to what we should be doing all year. Every day is a new beginning, a chance to bury yesterday’s failures and regrets and an opportunity to make things right. The spirit of New Year’s should be 24/7. Yet, how people approach this special time might be telling about the quality of life they currently enjoy.

Why is it that some people obtain their goals by year’s end, while the vast majority of individuals are beaten before they even begin? I believe the secret lies in the aims.

A Change is Gonna Come

Where most people fail in their aims is that they do not make lifestyle changes, they try to compartmentalize their change. Most people promise to lose weight, exercise three times a week, give up smoking or foul language. These are all admirable objectives, but they fail to understand the power of habits and their relationship to lifestyle. A lifestyle permeates every area of your life. It is a guiding principle that orders your action, words, and deeds. A lifestyle change is the difference between religion and spirituality. This goal and this objectives is so important that you allow it to reorganize every aspect of your daily existence. And the truth is, most of our resolutions are not daring enough. There is not enough at stake.

How can we turn the tide? First, we need to find out the truth about ourselves. There is a distinct difference between truth and facts. Facts tell you where you are now, but the truth reveals who you really are and what you are capable of. Something can be a fact, but it is not necessarily the truth, until we except it as so. Thus, the very first thing is to find out the truth about yourself. What motivates you? What are your principles and believes about yourself? Aligning your objectives with your core is extremely powerful. Once you know the truth about yourself, it cannot help but to make you free.

Second, we need to get angry. Anger is an extremely potent motivator, but in the hands of most individuals, it is just wasted energy. If we could begin to channel our anger and frustration into effective action, we would see some tangible results in our lives. Anger automatically brings a sense of urgency along with it that is always essential to undergo any change. We need to become angry with the status quo to the point we want to do something about it. If you do not like something, do something about it. Uproot those false truths that have become your reality and do not rest until you have conquered them. They are the habits that are keeping you from your destiny.

Third, after we have done some self-reflection, and we know what needs to go, we need strategies. Set SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-oriented). This will determine your level of dedication to the process. Once your goal has all the SMART characteristics, enlist a partner to hold you accountable. Your chances of success increase 50% when you get an outside party involved.

Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. Change does not happen overnight, it comes by making consistent decisions and exposing ourselves to environments consistent with those decisions. Once you make the decision, stay the course with vigilance.

Parting Words

2006 is a year I feel will open new doors and possibilities for abundance and prosperity for all of us. Yet, you do not have to wait for the ball to drop in Time Square to begin to prepare for your destiny. The ability to implement positive change within is essential to fulfilling our purpose. Tomorrow truly is not promised, and the fact that we are all here today is a blessing in and of itself. Yet, who is to say we will be here to see this year’s end or the next. Thus, instead of constantly living in anticipation of the next big thing, appreciate the now.

With that said, I would like to wish everyone who reads this a happy and prosperous New Year. Whether I know you or not, you have been a tremendous blessing to by being apart of this initiative for positive change. Just taking the time out to read these articles every week means a great deal. We at the Weekly Dream and at www.theSuperSpade.com appreciate you more than you could ever know. God bless.

Carpe Diem 2006

Truth and Peace,
Steven M DeVougas

Who are you?

Who are you? No seriously, who are you? Before you read on, take a minute to think about how you would answer that question. If you find yourself looking for words that don’t seem that moving, you are not alone. A friend of mine asked me that overwhelming question the other day and I got upset at myself because I didn’t like my textbook answer and I then I came up with something profound. I said, “I don’t know.” Then my friend broke down something she read in a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer entitled, Your Sacred Self that talked about the implications of who we are as individuals.

I thought I would leave a lengthy excerpt for you.

“Who are you?” It is a question that is literally impossible to answer with words, because who we are is formless, and words belong to the world of form. The answer to this question does not come from the physical domain. Each of us is a soul with a body, rather than a body with a soul. Soul cannot be measured or observed with the tools that we use to observe the material world. Perhaps the best way to begin to answer the question is to look at what we are not. …..Just as the colors in this carpet are brought out by light but light is not the color, so is the world caused by you but you are not the world. That which creates sustains the world, you may call it God or providence, but ultimately you are proof that God exits, not the other way around. For before any question about God can be put, you must be there to put it.

Discard these names [i.e., ethnicity, gender, any and all labels] and you will identify with the realm of the spirit rather than the world of ego…The cries of nationalism, tribalism and theism have been the source of wars and of the slaughter of billions of human beings. You know in your heart, as do all who play out this game, that this is a violation of God’s laws, that it is inconsistent with the relationship of all the spiritual masters who have ever walked among us.

…be free by letting go of your personal history….[when you do this] what is left is the invisible, intangible you, which is the heart of the message in this book.

These passages bowled me over as I hope they did the same to you. And I have heard variations of these themes but I realized that I hadn’t quite applied those principles to their full extent. In particular, I am reminded of my textbook response to this perplexing question, “who are you?” I often think of my race (Black) and my gender (male). Then other traits and qualities fall as they may. But is that all I am? Of course not, but why use such limiting adjectives?”

One theory is that we are used to labeling and categorizing everything in our lives so that when a situation presents itself that is indefinable, it is often rejected. Take food for instance. I myself am very picky eater and I remember the first time I had mango and I asked the person offering what it tasted like. He responded, “It tastes like mango.” That reply wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to know which fruit was most similar to mango. Now I know that that story is partly an explanation of my pickiness but it is also an accurate description of how many people approach life. Just think about all the hardened descriptions of a person you would have if you knew their age, race/ethnicity, education, geographical location, and income. But all of those things mean anything!!

And another part of the excerpt I like from the book is freeing yourself from your history. As a Black person, I don’t think I can let go of the pain and suffering of my ancestors and as a result, I often feed off the anger for those who suffered under Black enslavement. But wouldn’t my ancestor want me to remember their stories but live free of that anger? Of course, it just takes a lot of focus and determination on my part.

Personal history also includes the successes and failures we experienced in our own lives. I often find it funny though that no matter what, there is an ideal (or set of ideals) that we often strive for especially when we are young adults. But after I saw the Weatherman with Nicholas Cage, I heard something very profound when he said (and I am paraphrasing); “I always wanted to be respected, strong, honorable and all of these great things but as I got older, I whittled down those things and all that was left was me.” I encourage you to think about who you are because it will undoubtedly help give your life direction and help you realize all the good you have to offer this world. So who are you?

Stay up fam,