Are you late or are you late late?

If you have been or are sexually active, then you probably have a good idea of how tough those conversations can be. You know what makes me mad though? When I graduated from high school and from college, I was so happy to say to myself, “I’m glad I don’t have any kids.” It’s almost like I was more proud of not having kids than getting my degree. Now if you have kids I am not knocking you, please believe.

But I hate how common it is for people to have had to seriously contemplate having a baby. You know what I’m talking about, missed periods, broken condoms, birth control, pregnancy tests, the list goes on. And I wish I had some great insightful question to toss out there, but I don’t. I am just tired of hearing how common that experience is amongst my peers.

Stay up fam,

Brandon

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6 responses to “Are you late or are you late late?”

  1. Anonymous says :

    Brandon where did this come from? I’m curious, what would your proposed solution be? Sounds to me like abstinence would be the only way to go, since nothing is 100% safe.

  2. Brandon Q. says :

    Anon, thanks for the comment/question. The question came from past experiences I have been through and various conversations I have had over the years with people who have been in situations where there was a real concern (i.e. missed periods, broken condoms) that they might end up with a baby.

    I just think that it happens more often than people think but in general, people are very reluctant to share their experiences. Moreover, I think many people are more afraid of having a baby than catching an STD. As such, I think that ideally, people should wait to engage in sex until they get married. But with more and more Black folk waiting until they are 30+ along with postponing marriage due to career concerns, I can understand why someone would have sex earlier. As a result, I think that people shouldn’t have sex unless you are in a place where you feel comfortable having a baby with the other person and you have the financial means to properly take care of that child.

    Thanks,

  3. steve says :

    Thats real B. I have always believed that you should not do anything that you are not willing or able to accept all of the consequences of. Everytime you lay down with a person, there is a chance to bring a life into the world, and when you think like that it changes the landscape. Also, in this day and age, people have far more options to protect themselves at least from unwanted pregnancy with morning after pills and the like. I do not know if we need to have some real talk with the youth or change our outlook on love, relationships and responsibility in order to counteract the trend.

  4. Nikki says :

    Abstinence should be message we are sending to youth. Yet, at the same time I think reality has to set in and say, “Hey people are having sex”. If they are going to do it what is the best way to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy and a std. We have to be proactive and not reactive about sex.

    Female condoms/Birth control arm women with the chance to protect themselves instead of waiting for their partners to do it)
    Condoms/Dental dams

    Organizations like Choice or Planned Parenthood-respect confidentiality (teens/youth can get condoms and birth control without needing permission from their parents)

    Real Sex Education
    Youth have to be really conscious of the risks and how to protect themselves. HPV can be transmitted even though they are using protection and is not screened in men traditionally.

    The Realness
    Pregnancy is not the end of the world. We have to stop isolating the many of our youth that do already have children by telling them life is over. You REALLY CAN go to school and have a career while being a parent despite the challenges of single parenthood.I don’t suggest it but it happens you have OPTIONS. Our youth already have kids now they need to know how to raise those kids to not make the same mistakes.

    I’m concerned about the number of deaths from stds like HIV/AIDS because that’s higher than the number of deaths from pregnancy. (This is not to say unwanted pregnancy is not an issue) I just think you have to distinguish between them.

  5. Single Ma says :

    My child is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I thought so when I was 17 and still think so at 31. You should be more proud that you don’t have HIV, because children (if you are mature enough and have the proper resources to nurture and take care of them) are a blessing.

    I respect your opinion though.

  6. ms mimi the mocha soulchild says :

    I have no children, for a reason.

    I am planning my family, in so much as that is a practicality. I used to teach 7 and 8 year olds, and they were always shocked that I was a college educated woman without a baby’s father.

    The wide eyed, inevitable, “You ain’t got no kids, Ms. Mimi?” was a constant source of amazement. In many cases their mothers were not much older than I am, and had two or more kids.

    After I assured them that I like kids, but was waiting to have them until I was married, I’d slip off into my own thoughts. Wow, we are really living in a day an age of non-traditional families– we just don’t get married and have kids.

    I know that I have trouble taking care of myself, and I want to be in a healthy realtionship, with enough economic security that will keep me from wondering how I will pay the next light bill. I’m the parent of a single mother who was married, so I know as a woman you cannot predict what a man will and won’t do. That is all the more reason to take baby making seriously. It literally takes two people to support a modest family in California making decent money.

    That said, many of the same people who start moaning and ‘plainin about the state of the Black family (usually of the John Singleton ilk, blaming black mamas for what the shoulda known) are the same folks that have two or three drinks and head back to the hotel, motel holiday inn.. and wake up with an unexpected problem. The reality is the choice to start a family starts with our actions.

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