Marriage, Basketball Schedules, and the Off-Arm
Long time no see fam!!! Your Superspade was holding it down in sunny/smoggy California on business all last week, but I have been pregnant with ideas that I am ready to birth. But before that, I just want to let my co-contributors, Steve, Garlin, and guest writers know that I am their number one fan and I am so proud to be associated with this site. We are taking it back to basics!!!
With that said, last week, I had an interesting epiphany that I think summarizes the two major obstacles that make brothers fear marriage; obedience and compromise.
A couple years ago, I asked a mentor of mine, CJ, how he made his marriage work. He then taught me a lesson about marriage that really took my understanding of marriage to a whole new level that I am passing on to you. CJ played basketball in college and actually tried out for a couple of professional teams to no avail. Needless to say, CJ is serious about his basketball. And while he was dating his wife, Kecia, in college, he played basketball every Saturday morning with the fellas. And for the real hoopers, you know few things can compare to Saturday morning basketball followed by food, sports, and ignorance.
So CJ keeps up this routine during their courtship, engagement, and into the marriage. Now a couple years after being happily married, one day CJ woke up on a Saturday morning and packed his gym bag. No sooner than CJ is done washing down the last bit of bagel with OJ, does Kecia come in and say matter-of-factly, “Where do you think you’re going?” After clearing his throat, the stunned CJ replies, “What are you talking about? I am about to go hoop, like I always do.” Never faded, Kecia says, “Well, you are going to have to start asking permission to play ball on Saturdays because I might have plans for us.”
As you can imagine, CJ didn’t play ball that day but that’s what CJ wanted me to learn. The fact was that there some Saturdays he did play and there were days he didn’t. But whatever he did on any Saturday, he had to run it past Kecia to see if she had any plans for them. And just so we’re clear, neither Kecia, nor CJ is whipped and they have a beautiful marriage. The gist of the story is that by learning obedience the easy way, CJ was able to side-step a problem that could have grown out of control. And it doesn’t matter that CJ played ball before he got married or that Kecia didn’t tell him the rules before hand, the man was right to obey, period. Now insert basketball schedules with something you planned on keeping sacred from your bachelor days and imagine your wife telling you that that thing has to go by her. Only then will you understand how vital it is for men to understand the power and liberty that accompanies obedience. It will save you a world of grief, take it from CJ.
Now for any guy that has ever slept with a woman, (I mean sleep, not sex) than you have probably had requests from your woman to hold/cuddle her as she dozes off to sleep. And if she was really mushy, she probably wanted to wake up in the exact same position. That’s all fine and dandy, but that is not comfortable for the fellas due to the clumsiness of the off-arm. What do I mean? Let me draw you a mental picture. Let’s assume that you are in the bed and you and your partner and facing the left side such that the left side of your body is touching the bed and the right side of your body is facing the ceiling. Now if you are holding your woman, then chances are you are holding her with your right arm.
But what do you do with your left arm!!!! In this example, left arm is the off-arm and its use is critical to getting a good night’s rest. Now there are five positions where you can position the arm if you are indeed trying to go to sleep in this position. (Assume all positions keep your right arm holding your partner across the torso.)
Position 1 involves keeping your off-arm being extended above her head where it is highly vulnerable to going to sleep and you probably don’t want to sleep with your face in your armpits. Position 2 utilizes the off-arm as a pseudo pillow such that it is nestled at the base of her neck but in this position, you won’t be able to turn over without waking her up. Position 3 places the off-arm underneath the left side of your partners torso, such that both of your arms would be wrapped around her torso. This would be the equivalent of standing behind your partner and holding them around the waist. The problem with this position is that your partner is sleeping on your off arm!!! Which means your hand is going to be blue in the morning due to lack of blood circulation and don’t even think about turning over because you are stuck. Position 4 involves your off arm slightly in front of you but having your forearm lodged in the back of your partner. While this is the most versatile position in terms of maneuverability, it creates considerable distance that your partner may find unacceptable. And lastly, Position 5 involves your off arm being placed directly under your left side such that you are going to sleep on your own off-arm. In which case your off-arm will either be numb or will disrupt the curvature of your spine so that your sleep is not sound.
Now fellas, why would I describe the 5 positions of the off-arm dilemma? It’s because you are going to be sleeping with the same woman every night for the rest of your life!!! And quite frankly, I think the off-arm dilemma is a major reason why men die before women. 🙂 But in all seriousness, the off-arm dilemma to me represents the myriad of ways that men have to compromise to make their marriage work. And likewise, if you don’t cook and your woman does, she may have to cook on days that she doesn’t want to because both of you are too cheap to order out. (invest that money) And there may be days that you just want to sleep in opposite directions just so you can get a good night’s rest. But if she wants be held, just know you read about the off-arm here at Superspade. So what did we learn fellas? Marriage is all about compromise and a healthy dose of obedience. And if you can’t see yourself doing those two things, then either she’s not the one or you need to man-up.
Looking forward to your comments,
Stay up fam,