Sex: Rules of Engagement for 2007

As I approach a quarter century of living, many of my peers have reached a point in their lives where they realize that sex is good, but overrated in many ways. As such, many of my peers are not virgins but are in a stage where they are saving sex either for marriage or a serious relationship. I applaud and support these efforts but in the event that you are overcome by your flesh, here is a little list I put together to help you out. (And yes my family does read The SuperSpade.)

1) Wear condoms. Unfortunately, in 2007, too many of us think that if someone looks healthy, they can’t possibly have an STD. Be safe. And for the brothers out there ending their sessions with broken condoms, that’s not cool. You are not Hulk Hogan. Stop putting yourself and your partner at risk and upgrade.

2) Stop wearing socks. (In other words, brothers make sure your feet are not crusty and ladies, make sure the toes are tamed and your feet are not crusty.)

3) Getting tested for HIV with your partner is probably one of the most intimate things you can do even if you are not planning to have sex in the near future.

4) Sexual assault is real. No one is immune to it but there are things you can do to help prevent it.

5) If the thought of having a baby with your partner strikes terror in your heart, then you probably shouldn’t be having sex with that individual.

6) I was raised to believe that men are connected to women by how much they are willing to sacrifice (time, energy, resources, etc.) and women are connected to men via having sex. This principle has proven true for me, so just keep it in the back of your mind.

7) Sex doesn’t have to be “dessert” per se. Therefore, here are some things you can do to avoid having sex:
Go out earlier in the day
Talk about your relationship with God
Don’t end up in the bedroom
Talk (Intense thought provoking discussion that can be inspired by reading The SuperSpade
Play board games
Go through photo albums
Listen to music
Go out in groups
Give yourself a curfew and have a friend call you at the appropriate time
Make your expectations known

Hopefully this helps,

Stay up fam,



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11 responses to “Sex: Rules of Engagement for 2007”

  1. "The Consigliere" says :

    I am definitely co-signing numbers 5 and 6. Those two principles have saved me a lot of drama. Also, it is wack to try to use sex to control a person. I know some ladies that be tryin to “ration” their partner in order to control them or they think that sex is like the cure all for relationship ills. Well, it aint. Holla Back. One.

  2. Brandon Q. says :

    Thanks for the comment Steve. Let me ask you though, how did you come to learn about my sixth point? (dealing with how men and women actually connect to each other)

    I ask that because I feel like many issues people have in relationships would be alleviated if they were exposed to this principle early in their development.

    And I agree with you that using sex to control a person is just wrong. I would add that women are not the only ones guilty of rationing.

    Stay up,

  3. "The Consigliere" says :

    Point well taken. Point 6 is kind of biblical. It says that “where your treasure is, your heart will be also.” I learned from my pops and just my interactions with women. For men, we have a strong attachment to our time and money. We tend to give what we have an abundance of. If you got a lot of bread, then you will throw money on something to try to clean it up. Like Lil’ Wayne says, “It aint trickin if you got it.” But if a man is willing to give of himself or change his schedule for you, then you got him. Because he is putting himself to the backburner to try to please the other person. I know for me, I live by the clock, so if I am willing to drop my plans to build with you, recognize that I am making you a priority. But some people abuse that privilege, but that is a different post.

    So to reiterate, Ladies, if a man is giving you things that aint cost him nothin or he aint sacrificing, you aint got him.

    In other news, fellas do be rationing, but it takes a special dude with a certain type of discipline or “game” to think ahead and control that dynamic. However, it is wack to play those games with your significant other. They already proved they were worthy, so break bread. Halleulujah, holla back.

  4. Brandon Q. says :

    Steve, you are on a roll man. I wish I could have heard you saying your comments on the radio. 🙂

    I definitely agree with you that men have a strong attachment to our time and money. I also think that it helps for women to understand this principle as they navigate the world of relationships.

    We should probably come back to this principle in another post Steve.

    Stay up,

  5. Rebecca says :

    Great post B. I whole heartedly agree with many of the issues you raised and had to address point #3 in particular. In just about every sexual relationship that I’ve been in, I have been the one to initiate the conversation of getting HIV/AIDS tests together. Often times when it’s brought up the man, while open to the idea of getting tested, gives me the impression that if I hadn’t asked…then it wouldn’t have happened. I also agree that it is a very intimate thing to do and shows your partner that you value their health as well as yours. I’d like to know how many men really understand the importance of this, but better yet, how many of you actually request it of your partners???

  6. Ellen says :

    While the HIV/AIDS testing is extremely intimite, it is also about respect. If you respect your loved one/significant other, how can you not ask them about HIV/AIDS and other STIs?

  7. "The Consigliere" says :

    I must agree with Ellen. Just as a person, you have to have standards. And any self respecting dude is gonna wanna get that stamp of approval before you take it to the next level. Life is too precious to be out here all willy-nilly with people. As my mama always told me, you have to train people as to how you want them to treat you. And that is one area you should not compromise. Additionally, it is great practice for broaching more difficult issues. Personally, I am willing to give a little to get a little.

  8. Brandon Q. says :

    Rebecca, I can imagine that many conversations of getting tested are initiated by women and this is unfortunate. I wish men were more comfortable taking ownership of their sexual health. Too much of the burden is on women to take precautions to be safe. And that is partly why I wrote this post, to help men talk about issues talk about issues that are normally initiated by women.

    Ellen – I couldn’t agree with you more.

    Steve – When are you running for President?

    Thank you all for the spirited comments.

    Stay up fam,

  9. Garlin II says :

    You are absolutely right B, these are great comments!

    On the issue of men not bringing up the “get tested” conversation, I think that part of the problem is because they are not getting tested on their own anyway. The invincibility complex is real and unfortunate.

    Perhaps it never enters their thinking when dealing with the opposite sex because it has not entered their thinking when dealing with themselves.

  10. Ellen says :


    I have found that even the most in tune men still fail to bring to the table questions regarding sexual practices, habits, and testing to the table. How much of this is a symptom of the invincibilty complex and how much of it is due to male dominated sexual world that we live in that almost excuses them from having to ask because the women is far from equal on the sexual ladder?

  11. Garlin II says :


    I think it is a combination of both the invincibility complex I speak of and the overt/covert sexism that you speak of. I think they both effect the subconscious thinking of men when it comes to these conversations.

    Other factors could be that the person may be selfish, or just plain scared.

    I think the way to tell which of these is the dominant factor is by how said man behaves during the conversation about practices, habits, history, testing, etc. Does he not want to talk about it? Avoidance would suggest fear to me. Does he say that it doesn’t matter? Flat dismissive-ness would suggest selfishness or sexism (saying it doesn’t matter followed by something else may not necessarily mean this). Does he tell you honestly what he thinks/feels and ask you what you think/feel and that he has been tested recently or wants to get tested with you? That would suggest that he cares to me.

    With all of this being said, I think rule #5 is the biggest one. If you are uncomfortable on any level with a person or don’t want or care to know everything about that person (sexual practices and beyond), then don’t have sex with them.

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