Loneliness Black Men and Friendships Part VI

The Difference between your boys and your friends. We have too many boys.

After a hiatus, the Black male friendship series is back! For those that are new to the friendship series, it is my take on the current state of Black male friendships and how I think they should be improved. Today we are going to delve into the difference between your friends and your boys.

I can’t tell you how many times I have been in situations where I learned that a friend of mine knew a guy that I knew and I would follow up by saying, “Oh that’s my boy.” It doesn’t matter if I only played basketball with him a couple times or he is my ace boon coon.

One of the major premises I have for creating this series is that Black men have too many boys and not enough friends. As a result, we end up fooling ourselves by calling dudes our boys when most of the time they are just associates.

So here is where I need your help fellas.

1) What is it about some of our boys that we don’t make them friends?
2) Do you feel you have too many boys? If so, have you ever cut them out of your life because they were not adding value to your life?
3) What is the main difference between your boys and your friends?
4) For your close friends, what is the process by which you went from associates to friends?

Stay up fam,

Categories:
Black Men
Friendships

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2 responses to “Loneliness Black Men and Friendships Part VI”

  1. Garlin II says :

    Thanks for bringing this back to life B. Answering all questions:

    1) What is it about some of our boys that we don’t make them friends?
    I think a lot of this has to do with only having exposure to a small part of a person, or only exposing a small part of yourself. If I only talk to you at lunch at work, I only see that part of you and don’t know anything more. A friend is someone that knows you on more than one level and in more than one context.

    2) Do you feel you have too many boys? If so, have you ever cut them out of your life because they were not adding value to your life?
    I don’t think you can have too many boys. This only becomes an issue when you confuse your boys with your friends, however you define the distinction.

    3) What is the main difference between your boys and your friends?
    I alluded to this in my answer to question 1. Friends are people who you are comfortable interacting with in multiple contexts with. If we can eat together, watch a game together, study together, and help each other out when one of us needs a favor, then that’s a friend. If I only shoot pool with you (or interact with you in some other singular activity), we are not friends, we’re boys.

    4) For your close friends, what is the process by which you went from associates to friends?
    I have never done this deliberately, at least not consciously. I think the process is that you get comfortable with a person in one setting, and then try the interaction in a different one (e.g. we were cool in class, let’s see if we’re cool at an organization meeting, etc.). As long as there are no problems as you add in different experiences, you move from associates to friends.

  2. robert says :

    Friends are not chosen by gender…if u feel that a boy is a better friend of urs than a girl then I find no reason to cut him off from ur life…thats all I can say…if u wish to know more on friendship and stuffs..have a look at my blog…I keep on postings stuffs like this…best wishes 🙂

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