Step Your Game Up
If you cannot tell, I have a passion for relationship stuff. Why? Perhaps I am disturbed by the dysfunction I see every day. Or it may be because I am disgusted with American society’s approach to love, friendships and relationships. It could be because 90%of the disconnect between people are not that important at the end of the day. Whatever it is, I am intrigued by the challenge of trying to make sense of it all.
What has been on my mind lately is how complacent people can be in their relationships. It is disgusting. When they are single, they go to the gym, shower regularly, make sure they are tight. Then, once they have someone and they been together for awhile, they let their standards slip. They stop doing those things to keep the passion alive and to keep the other person interested. They settle into what I call the “Comfort Spiral.”
In the “Comfort Spiral”, an individual believes that their significant other is not going anywhere, so they get so comfortable they slip almost to the point of taking the other person for granted. If I said it once, I have said it a thousand times, relationships take a tremendous amount of work. It is a process of creating and becoming.
One person cannot carry the water alone, it takes two people working together to constantly keep that fire and passion burning. It takes two to make the relationship worthwhile. You have to continually step your game up.
I did not understand this at first. I remember when my girlfriend in college asked me why I did not do the things I did when we first started dating. And in my ignorance, I responded, “I just want us to be comfortable.” Wrong answer. I did not realize that it makes that person feel like they are not worth the continued effort, even if that is not the message you wish to convey.
The fellas are guilty of this normally when it comes to the romance and intimacy department. We tend to get caught up in hanging out or pursuing our careers instead of taking care of home. The ladies might not hit that gym like they should (men being visual creatures and all) or do the little things that make a man feel like a man (read: cook). No one is innocent.
What is the point of obtaining something if you are not going to maintain it. If you buy a Ferrari but cannot afford the oil changes, then you had no business buying a Ferrari. The same goes for relationships. You must keep upgrading and maintaining. You must be better today than you were yesterday. Life is too short to settle. And you know what, once putting in the time becomes second nature, you wont even realize it is work and you will just enjoy the journey.
So ask yourself and your significant other: How can I be better? How can we be better? Am I really keeping your interest? Do that checkup to make sure both of you are on the same page. By humbling yourself and having some real talk, your relationship will be that much more enjoyable.
With all that said, share with me and our readers what you do to keep your significant other interested? How do you stay in love?
Truth and Peace,
Steven M DeVougas